What is wrong with me?

I got no reason to kill myself but I don’t have a reason to get up in the morning either. My days are so empty. I never found anything that would just get me going. I don’t have a future to look forward nor do I have nice memories to remember. I am not living, I just am. I don’t have any hobbies or friends or whatever little things that makes life more bearable. It all seems just so pathetic, it always has been and it always will be. I am a coward and instead of making some changes I just feel sorry for my pathetic existence and then I hate myself even more for that. I´ve tried to be different but I always fail horribly anyway so what is the point? I don’t have a personality. I am just a spirit closed up in my body refusing to fight. I tried to convince myself that it’s not that bad, that I am okay and for a moment, just a brief moment I think I actually believed it but than I realized that everything is still the same and all I’ve done is ignored the fact that I was never meant to be happy. So I am not happy , I am not happy with myself, with my life, with the world.. I´m just sad.. Actually not even that, I can’t even describe it – it´s like I can’t feel but then it seems that I feel all the pain, anger, pity, sadness and bunch of other things but it’s just somehow different – even those feelings seem empty…. I am not comfortable around people plus I have nothing to talk about so I just pretend that I am not this lifeless existence, I pretend that I am okay, I pretend that I am just fine with being not interesting, stupid person and everyone is absolutely OKAY.. except me. They are all strangers to me, people I´ve known for almost 8 years now yet I actually know very little about them and they know even less about me. All I can manage is to say Hi, light up a cigarette, smoke in silence and then a bye cause I got to go home (even though I got nothing to do, nowhere to hurry - still I just got to go). I often wonder if the emptiness inside is just gonna grow, years will past and I will be so blunt by then that I would´t even care or will it always be so painful? I wish I had a courage to take a leap from a building, swallow some pills, put a bullet to my brain or whatever other way to end things but that's just another thing in which I am failing. What shall I do? Is this normal ? Normal isn't the right word , nothing is normal these days, better question is – Is this common? Does anybody have a cure? Cure to awake my soul and energy? I am open to whatever thoughts on this.. I respect that some of you might be religious but please I really am not in mood for anything like - ¨Give yourself to God, he is your savior and whatever religious blab like that. Thank you. Sorry for wasting your time on this. I just wrote this because I had to otherwise I think I would go insane.. (btw I am sorry for my English too..)